My Father Used To Say

by
John D. Toellner

Forward	The reason this book was written The process used for writing this book
Your Career and Money	Big successes come from a series of small successes Things that get done immediately always get done Good decisions are based on accurate information Your potential is that set of outstanding skills that you will carry unused to your grave Assumptions are the breeding ground of screw-ups In a confrontation guess who wins People make first judgements on image; have a good one A single voice is lost in the wilderness; an organization can have an impact If you want to know how someone will behave in the future look to the past You can't improve everything at once; tackle issues one at a time in priority sequence When you have made your point or sold your deal, shut up The final test is whether it works or not; if it works leave it alone; if not fix it Two possible outcomes: results; and reasons for not producing results Give a new venture time to succeed Most organizations succeed by stumbling from crisis to crisis Idea acceptance follows personal acceptance Choose solutions that capture 80% of the benefits with 20% of the effort Credibility is earned, not given Never complain to anyone that can't do anything about it The first law of the jungle, swinging from limb to limb The second law of the jungle: 900 pound gorillas get to sit wherever they want Compensation follows contribution Money is not happiness, but it is surely a great lubricant to the process Money is spent in increments of dollars, but it is saved a penny at a time
Your Goals and Conduct	The odds of reaching an objective go up if you plan If you want a meeting to be productive Goals are powerful -- set clear ones and then stand back and let the process work The person that gets things done always keeps a clear focus on the end objectives You will be judged a good manager by the quality of decisions you make If there is something you want, deny them what they want, until they give you what you want
Your Relationships	Never put yourself in the position where someone can do you harm by telling the truth Being right is a true narcotic Being absolutely open and honest is the only way to compensate for a poor memory Only offer advice as often as people ask for it - you won't get many takers You won't be able to openly share yourself until you are willing to put yourself at risk If you want your life to run without upsets keep your agreements Until you openly admit your mistakes, you are doomed to keep repeating them True liberation comes from taking responsibility Children don't come from you - they come through you The ghost of incomplete relationships will haunt you - go back and complete them Courtesy works - and is contagious Friendships are like houseplants - they need constant watering to survive You can't say one thing and do something else people will not believe what you say Helping is deadly while assisting brings value to people's lives Love children - save punishment for the issues that can cause them permanent harm Don't overreact when unpopular issues are brought up Relationships would improve if both people would state what it would take to make it If one person admits to the other he was wrong, and the other person rejects him When your relationships aren't working you bull it through on your own - strange isn't it? If you really want to be over there, and right now you are over here ..... Whenever you hear yourself say, "it's either him or me" -- remember --it will be you
Communication	The ability to communicate to others The vital skill in communications is listening - not talking The key to acceptance is to be interested, not interesting Be aware of your body language - it may tell a different story than your words Peoples minds don't grasp words too well, but they can quickly focus on pictures A good memory impresses people People love to be told stories - never give them raw facts, tell a story Vocabulary is power - know lots of words well and use them precisely Each person communicates with a unique style - match your style to theirs Never bluff - admit you don't know and go find the accurate information Be effective in your presentations--present your material in your natural style
Personal Improvement	There are certain "prison words"; avoid using them Life is like a savings bank - you must make deposits in order to make withdrawals To make life work, choose what you already have Many people spend their entire lives rowing against the current There is no lasting satisfaction from "getting there"; enjoy the process Being in a bad mood or feeling low in energy are choices you make Maintain a balance of activities that are of value to you Minimize both regrets and remorse As I think I am - if you never think it first, it will never be Don't be afraid to venture into forbidden territory occasionally The thing that compels us to get out of bed in the morning Richness in life comes from enjoyment of things familiar A necessary part of life's satisfaction is knowing you have made a meaningful contribution Learn to listen to your body The mouth is the escape valve for tensions Get your plateaus up!
Copyright © 2002 John D. Toellner All rights reserved